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I recently came back from a run. I’m amazed to write this fact. I believe it might have been ten years since the previous time. However I recently discovered that I have elevated cholesterol, and I’ve been advised to perform intense workouts on a consistent basis.

It’s the initial instance in living memory that the reason to be active has been my physical health. When I was younger, I jogged because I desired to slim down. At times I ran to manage nervousness – I was just running away from the worry, not addressing it. Sometimes, I ran because I wanted to enhance with jogging. That represented what it meant to me at that time to create a superior lifestyle.

Running for a different reason currently sparked reflection about the ways I’ve interacted with my physique during my years and the way it’s evolving as I move from youth to being a middle-aged person. I believe not I’ve honored my body, not fundamentally. I’ve prized it just for its capabilities and the purposes it served me: seeking approval; avoiding feelings; achieving a quicker 5K run. Previously, I’ve not understood that my body is me, it embodies my life, as opposed to a tool for outcomes.

A lot has been written for ages about the separation of mind and body – which it’s comforting to know, I’m not going to precis here. What I’ve found most intriguing is Sigmund Freud’s view that consciousness and physique are developmentally integrated from the beginning, because bodily growth demands psychological development and conversely. The newborn’s bodily experiences – for example the physical sensation of hunger – propel the brain to develop the skill to identify hunger as a feeling that is alleviated by a feed; and the mental reassurance and satisfaction consistently provided by meal after meal nourishes the infant’s psyche similar to the food nourishes them physically. Similarly mental events – for instance the desire to rise and reach for something, and the determination to try again and again – are the cause and means physical strength increases. Since infancy, mind and body are intertwined in reciprocal evolution as unified as a spiral.

But I have noticed, in sessions with my analyst, that my consciousness and physique can be in a distinct connection – a more separated and more exploitative. My consciousness may employ my body to store and display things that my consciousness views unwanted or unacceptable. In my sessions we realized how there are particular emotional states that I worry I can’t handle; rather than experiencing them in my mind, I subconsciously shift them into bodily form, becoming trapped as bodily signs.

I used to get this with indigestion – unrelated to my diet, but acted as a kind of physical reflux of the sharper sentiments I was unable to process in my mind. It wasn’t a conscious choice, but once it was raised to my attention in sessions, and my anxiety and insecurity and frustration and panic became palpable and articulated rather than converted to bodily feelings, it vanished. I rarely suffer from indigestion now.

The toughest period I endured this severe heartburn, I failed to rest for many nights straight. I felt I was forfeiting my mind. I consulted to the GP, who organised all sorts of examinations and assessments, but everything was medically abnormal. The situation was a different physician who told me that the cause may be mental. My analyst did not disagree. I was stunned, but I recognized it to be true.

If an individual experiences a corporeal problem, it can be upsetting at the suggestion that it may have a mental root. It can seem as invalidation, being told that their illness isn’t real. Naturally such cases occur – individuals may experience their suffering ignored or incorrectly identified. Yet occasionally it could be that the corporeal issues are genuine – without doubt – and the cause is psychological, the unconscious using the physique to convey emotional hurt or anger or whichever sentiment awareness is unable to bear. At times, it’s easy to think our experience is only valid if manifested as bodily symptoms. We continually disrespect our mental states personally, in social contexts and as a culture; why else can we allow the appalling elimination of mental health treatments through health services?

My experiences have revealed that a better life cannot be built when we are stuck unconsciously in modes of connection, within ourselves and in relationships, that are rooted in disregard, manipulation and exchange. These interactions are frequently more straightforward to identify “out there” in broader culture. It’s perhaps more challenging to reflect on their origins, and to recognise these patterns personally and among loved ones, in the workings of our mental lives.

However it’s valuable to continue. Upon wearing my jogging shoes once more post a long hiatus, heading out without aiming for physical improvement, or to escape a sensation, or to beat a running record, {it