This period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.
Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.
The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.
A
Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!
The Letter B
Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.
Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)
C
Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.
Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.
Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.
D
DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.
E
Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, honesty and openness.
The Letter F
Flags
- Danger signals – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
- Positive signs – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
- Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …
Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).
G
The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.
Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.
Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.
Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.
The Letter H
Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.
Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?
The Letter I
Turn-offs – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.
“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.
J
Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.
The Letter K
Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.
Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {
